In less than 24 hours, I will be a mom to a 3-week-old infant. The most precious and intense experience I have ever been through. It has been a whirlwind to say the least, and it has been a blessing. We named him Jacob, or Jake, after we scoured so many names. He makes a cute baby Jake.
I’ve been contemplating a lot, and have so much to express, that I really felt like writing it down could take forever, I also am denying the fact that if I hold off long enough, time will slow down and my little guy will stay little. That is just not the case. Time is flying and this 20 day old, who is quietly sleeping in a baby Bjorn carrier, after many failed attempts of getting him to lie peacefully down by himself failed, I tried one last resort. This baby Bjorn carrier is making me all sentimental. It’s the first time I’ve used it and it feels good to have a baby so very close to me again, arms free, walking around quietly. I miss being pregnant as crazy as it sounds. It was an amazing experience, and I think I was really blessed to have as much of a normal pregnancy as possible minus a few bumps here and there. I get really sentimental when I lie down and realize that I don’t have a belly and I actually miss it, and second, inside that dear tummy was a moving little boy that we were excited to meet. Now he is here and it is bliss, it is also crazy busy.
The other night, as we had just gotten him to sleep he started to hiccup. I went to grab my stomach to feel him hiccuping, only to realize he was sleeping in his swing and was no longer inside my tummy. It was so intimate to share such closeness with my boy. I loved it when he would hiccup and would laugh every time he did. Reality comes so quick, and it is sweet to look over and see him hiccuping in his chair.
I miss that closeness of him so near me. Nights are the hardest. Sometimes, I go to feel for the round solid tummy I once had to see if our little one is moving, but he’s not there anymore. Or just like last night, Andy put his whole arm around my stomach at night as he did when I was pregnant. He too, has gotten used to the belly bliss and awaiting a little one.
It was a beautiful birth, and a peaceful one. I had my husband, my favorite doctor, and a sweet nurse named Pat right at my sides coaching me along. I was so happy to meet him and we have been blessed by Jake’s powerful spirit, and when I say powerful, I mean that in so many ways. He can scream louder than anyone I’ve ever heard, but he can look so peaceful and darling.
He’s a handsome little lad, with more hair that I thought any baby of mine would ever have. I was a baldy and I cant say much for Andy either. Jake loves to be held and cuddled. He likes to sleep under my neck, and sleeps best on either Andy or me. At night when he is in his swing, I miss him being close to me something fierce. I listen for each breath he takes and I worry when he squeaks or fusses. Often times, I’m up in seconds holding him in my arms before Andy even notices.
Sleeping is not a priority at the moment, although I miss it desperately and have been a bit more moody than ever before. We had both grandmas come and help us. We were spoiled rotten, and I was able to sleep a few more precious winks with them here. We had loving dinners made for us, what a blessing a meal is. They each came with so much charity and love, I didn’t know how to thank everyone. I need to write some thank you cards really soon, but I hardly have time to make myself a bowl of cereal before someone needs some cuddle time. I am currently a hungry hippo, but I want to write all these thoughts down before they EAT ME ALIVE. After all, a life written down is a life twice lived, and because I feel nearly dead and tired, I need all the life I can get!!
Just last night, after a rough day of just me and the babe, our home teacher and his wife, also our dear friends and Andy’s co-worker came over. They brought me an ice-cream treat. I answered the door, looking somewhat like a disheveled zombie, as if a zombie could look scarier, I am living proof…HA! They talked to me and comforted me as my boy turned purple from crying so hard. They will be parents soon, and the best ever! It felt wonderful to have company here. It touched my heart. So many things do now. I also read a conference talk called, “Stories of Jesus”. I stared at my angel boy last night, looking at his perfect little body and face. He is so darling and a part of a beautiful plan. We’re blessed and honored to have him in our family. I have so many other thoughts, but for now, I need to eat some kind of nutrition before he awakes and maybe if I’m lucky catch a few zzzzs!